One Day

One day there will come a time when my son realizes that he is a little bit different.

One day he will realize that writing his name is a little bit more difficult for him.

One day he will see that he isn't able to read as well as his friends.

One day he will see that he is the only one during lunch time that isn't eating a sandwich.

One day I may have to explain to him why he is a little bit different, and I dread that day.

He doesn't notice any of these things right now. He loves being with his friends and he will talk your ear off about a drawing that he did. He can see the whole picture there, but to others just looks like a bunch of scribbles. When your five nothing seems impossible. Everyone is the same and everyone plays with everyone else.

He has this girl in his class that admires him for how fast he can run. She was really excited to introduce him to her mom and tell her all about him. I fear one day that it will turn the opposite and the girl in his class will only tell her mom about how different he is.

When he talks to adults I stand there silently and watch him and look at the parent wondering if they know. Can they tell that he isn't like the rest of them? Are they going to be ok with their child being friends with an Autistic child?

I fear that one day he will lose some of friends because of his need to always come in first, to always be the winner. And although other children may understand that its ok to take turns with winning, Logan is not able to understand this.

He is a smart boy. He knows his way around a smartphone, and tablets. He mastered his DS within hours.

I don't know what the future looks like. How he will do from day to day. How much things will change for him once he is in grade one, because sitting in a chair for long periods of time is not going to be his strong suit, but I will be there to help him succeed with it as much as possible.

The day will come when he does ask, and I am trying to prepare myself for it. I'm not sure what exactly I will say, but I'm working on it.

~ Life will knock you down more times then you can imagine, don't knock yourself down ~

Paying it forward

We have all heard of paying it forward. In big ways and little.

Sometimes it can change a persons life forever and sometimes it can change their day.

I always think, wow there is still compassion in the world today and how lucky those people are to receive such a gift from a complete stranger.

I never thought it would happen to me, until this morning.

I had just dropped my son off at school and decided to make the regular run to Tim Horton's. I pulled into the parking lot and saw the daunting long line of the drive thru. I had my daughter with me and I decided that I didn't really want to wrangle with the car seat straps again and, hey it wasn't like I was in a huge rush or anything so we waited. Inch by inch we got closer and I always notice the congestion in the parking lot from cars trying to pull in the other way, so I decided to let the lady across go in front of me, it clears up the congestion and she probably has somewhere to be, and like I said I wasn't in a hurry.

I pulled up and placed my order of just a coffee. My juice to keep me going in the morning! I pulled up to the window to pay and the lady says to me "and this morning this is absolutely free, the lady in front paid for your order." In that moment in that second I was touched. A complete stranger that I didn't know, have never met and will probably never meet decided to do something so nice for another stranger. She changed my morning.

Some mornings are not as easy as others. Someone is playing with someone else's toy, they don't want to get a shower, Logan doesn't want to wear a jacket even though its only nine degrees outside! But this morning a simple gesture from a stranger made my morning completely different.

I just want to say thank you to the lady in the blue car in front of me. Thank you for showing me that it can happen to anyone. Thank you for buying me my coffee this morning. It was something small but it means a lot to me. Its the little things in life that matter.

In a way it was another secret life lesson.

And now it is my turn to pay it forward.

Sticky fingers

All through my life she has helped me. Been there when I needed her most. She has been a friend, a shoulder to cry on and in her best moments has been that stern voice that every child needs.

She always gives and hardly ever takes.

And yet someone took from her. They took away her way of living. They took away her ability to make memories. They took something that belonged to her.

A stranger decided on a certain day to have sticky fingers. The temptation was just too great for them. And they just couldn't walk away from it.

On the last wedding that my Mom was taking pictures at someone stole her camera body.

She has searched high and low for it the following day. She thought that maybe she had just misplaced it. Put it down somewhere that she didn't remember. She went through the days events time and time again trying to figure out where she had put it. She really didn't want to believe that someone had took it. But unfortunately that is what had happened.

She has always been there to capture the memories. She had been there for my son's birth and
captured the first moments of his life. Has been there when someone proposed. Has been there for countless weddings. Pictures of extended family visiting from far away. taken pictures of a friends dog before crossing over the rainbow bridge. And just simply everyday life pictures.

I know the pictures from the recent wedding are irreplaceable, but I would love to be able to help her make new pictures.

The expense is too great for myself to take on, so I am asking for help. Any amount would help. Nothing is too small.

http://www.gofundme.com/d22zy4

Last day of school

We are about to embark on the last day of Logan's first year of school.

Logan's top banana day!

I remember taking him the very first day. Standing there amongst the crowd of parents with their children. I was nervous for him. I wasn't sure exactly how he would do. How he would be being away from me for long periods of time everyday Monday to Friday, because he was never in daycare.

Logan learning patterns

And yet he surprised me.

His first day of school came and went very quickly. I arrived to pick him up that day and he was all smiles. He loved it! He loved it so much that he didn't even want to leave. He cried the whole walk home. I had to keep telling him over and over again that he would go back tomorrow. Eventually the transition became easier and easier.

Now I find myself telling him again and again that tomorrow is his last day of school for two months to get him prepared for the fact that come Monday he won't be going to school.



Learning to spell his name

Logan has made many strides in school this year. Before starting school Logan was very difficult to understand and within a month of being in school his speech had made leaps and bounds! I couldn't really believe it myself. And sometimes he surprises me with some of his comments that he makes. It makes me laugh a lot of the times.

I can't believe how quickly the year has gone by! We have had a few snow days, lots of sick days and many many falls, but we have come out the other side alive.

I really love it when we leave school and all his friends are yelling his name and saying goodbye. He is a very friendly little guy and I think anyone is lucky to have him as a friend. He really cares about others and makes everyone feel included. (Well with the exception of his sister sometimes!)



Logan's first day of school 2014

Logan's first day of school 2014

I know that come September he will love the day that he gets to go back to school and get to see everyone again, but for now we will enjoy the summer together. (And maybe get asked for the first couple of weeks if it's his school day today!)



Rear-ended

I never thought I would see the day that it would actually happen to me.

Getting hit by another car.

Thankfully it wasn't that bad of a hit. My vehicle isn't demolished and we are all in one piece.

I was coming back home from a short outing to the store with my daughter. Who is currently 2 years old. Taking the road that we drive on a daily basis. Nothing out of the ordinary. That is until we got to a main intersection. I was sitting there at the red light when I heard this big crunch. All I thought at first was, "What the heck was that." And then I knew. It wasn't a massive hit, but I was still shook by it. I look back at my daughter to make sure she is ok. I see her safely strapped in her car seat just looking back at me like "Hey mom, what's up?!"

I get out of my vehicle and walk back to take a look. The other driver gets out of his vehicle and the first thing out of my mouth was "You didn't feel like stopping?" It took everything in me not to yell at him. He seemed a little displaced and not sure what was going on. I said to him "You hit me." Nothing, it just didn't seem to register. I was getting frusturated by the minute. So I called up my husband and said to him with tears streaming down my face "I just got hit." He couldn't believe it. He said he was on his way over. In the meantime I decided to call my Mother, I have never been in an accident and didn't really know what I should be doing. I called her up and with tears streaming down my face again the conversation went a little like this:

Me: "Someone just hit me"
Mom: "What? Where are you?"
Me: "I am at Veterans and Essa Road right by the Starbucks."
Mom: "Oh well we are in the Starbucks right now"
Me: Thinking to myself, of course she is in the Starbucks where else would she be!
Mom: "I will be right out"

Thankfully she came to my rescue and got his information and off to the Police station we went. Of course the other driver never did show up, that's ok we got his address and phone number and to my surprise he is with the same insurance company as I am!

Everything got sorted out and we are scheduled in for a repair in the beginning of July, it's only about $550 in damage, but I am very thankful it wasn't worse.

I tell people everyday I put good money into car seats because you can't control other people's driving, but you can control the safety of the children in your car. Thankfully our insurance company is also covering the cost for a new car seat for Brynleigh.

I know that Brynleigh will have no memory of this accident, but I will. The last couple of days for me has revolved around the insurance company and getting things looked at and replacing a car seat. It's surprising how someone else's mistake can take over another person's life and that our actions really do impact others around us.

I am just glad that my Mother's addiction to Starbucks came in handy that day and that she was close by to help me out!

Turning Two

I know I have been through it once before already, but I still can't believe how quick time goes!

I can't believe that our little girl turns two today!      

What a journey it has been so far. And I can honestly say I would have no idea what we would do without her.

I love her gaped toothed grin. I love the way each morning she goes over to her brother and gives him a big hug. I love the way she says "okay". The way she scrunches her nose when she smiles.

She gives unconditional love.

I love the way she can get her brother to get her snacks and how she pats me on the back sometimes secretly telling me in her own way that "hey Mom, you got this don't sweat it!"

Two years old and she has the world at her fingertips. So much more to learn and explore. To learn right from wrong. To cry more tears and give more smiles. To laugh with her brother. To simply enjoy life.

I hope that she doesn't want to just aim for the sky, but to continue on and reach for the stars.

To keep teaching her brother that sibling love will last forever, even though she keeps taking all his cars while he is playing with them!

I want to teach her that life isn't a race, but a journey and to enjoy every moment of it and make as many memories as possible.

"A Two Year Old"

A two year old is so many things.

A tiny discoverer of butterfly wings.

A hugger of teddies, a sweet sleepy head.

And someone to dream for in bright years ahead.

A special new person who right from the start,

has a place in the family and a coarse in your heart.

And just when you think you've learned all the things,

that your dear daughter is, and the joy that she brings,

a hug or a grin comes with such a sweet surprise,

that love finds you smiling with tears in your eyes.

 Author: unknown

Book covers

We have all done it.

Even though you think you haven't done it, you have.

Everyone at some point their lives has judged.

Someone at the store, someone waiting for the bus, the person driving in front of us. We have all done it.

I I had just started my new job a couple of weeks ago and was still getting used to the routine and the residents there. I remember it like it was yesterday. I went to pour this lady a cup of tea and She took a strip out of me. I had done the unthinkable,I reached across in front of her to get her cup and she scolded me for doing I that.

In that moment, in that second I judged her.

A couple of days later I was going around doing my evening med pass and I came across her room. I stood there and thought to myself I am just going to get in and get out as quick as I can, that way I don't I have to really deal with her or talk to her. I walked into her room and gave her meds and plastered on a smile and was turning to leave when she started a conversation. She asked if I was from Barrie and I said yes. She asked if I had lived here my whole life and I said yes, well actually always around the area. I listed off a couple places finishing with Cookstown.

And that was it.

We had made a connection.

She had also lived in Cookstown and much to both of our surprise we had both lived on the same street. I must have been in there for a good 30 minutes just talking to her. And every time she had a visitor and she saw me she was only too excited to let them know that I was the girl that lived on the same street as her. Our friendship grew over time and I enjoyed our evening talks and getting to know her and her family.

Sadly at the beginning of January she passed away.

Before she passed away I talked to her one night. I told her that I remember the first time I met her and how I thought she was a crotchety old woman (she used different word which I won't repeat!) and I said to her how now I cherish our friendship and how I will never reach across the table again. She smiled and we had a good laugh and I hugged her. It was the last time I saw her.

She used to make these pot scrubbers and She gave me one at Christmas time this past year. It sits on my shelf. Unused. In perfect condition. It sits there as a reminder. A reminder not to judge.

We have all done it. We have all judged.

Instead of passing judgement take that extra second, that extra minute and open that book. Turn the pages and get to know the book. I am and will always be grateful  to this woman for teaching this life long lesson. 

Never judge a book by its cover.

Secret snuggles

My most favorite part of my day is around 9:30 at night. It's the time that I usually go in and check on Brynleigh and change her diaper. But it's what happens after the diaper change that changes my day.

 I don't just pick her up and put her back in her crib. No I lift her up and bring her in close and just stand there and hold her. She rests her head on my shoulders and we just stand there in the dark.  Nothing else at that point matters to me. I'm not sure how long I ever stand there for, until it feels right I guess. I think back about our day and all the stresses throughout the day just go away, because I am holding my daughter at that point. I give her kisses on the top of her head. I tell her I love her over and over again. A child can never get tired of hearing that their parents love them.

This is my solitude. This is my calm after a busy day. This completes my day. And I savor these moments because I know they won't last forever and because it's basically the only time she sits still these days. I sway from side to side in the complete darkness and it's like we become one. She molds to my body and just let's me hold her. Knowing that Mommy loves her. 

When I am done I lay her in her crib, but her binkie in give her piglet and cover her with her blanket. I tell her goodnight.

I cherish those moments. My secret snuggles.