Grandma

 Marjorie Belle Thomas, or better known to me as Grandma. 

I miss you.

We were welcomed into your life when my Mom made the big decision to adopt us. I'm not sure who got the better end of the deal, us or you. 

You had a profound impact on my life. I already miss the phone calls with you. Always making sure to end the call with "I love you."

When I became pregnant with Logan I knew I had to tell you in person. I drove out to see you that day specifically to tell you just that. I respected you and your beliefs and knew it was the right thing to do. You held my hand and told me "everything is going to be just fine." Your words of comfort still stay with me to this day. Your opinion always mattered to me.

When my wedding day arrived I knew that you had to be there. You and Grandpa, after all he was the one that walked me down the aisle that day. It was important for me to have you there. It wouldn't have felt complete without you.

When my second daughter was born I knew right away that we would carry on your name in a way. She would take your middle name Belle. I absoultely loved how you said her name every single time. I can still hear it now. "Oh is that Nora Belle?" You would say, always making sure to say her full name. I could hear how proud you were every single time. I will make sure while she grows up she knows and learns the honour that her middle name holds and the amazing woman that you were. 

I miss sitting around the dinner table with you, always offering seconds or thirds to everyone. No matter when we visited you always made sure that we had something to eat. You were always so willing to just scrounge up something for lunch. You were always so caring. 

I always enjoyed when I would bring the kids to visit. You always had such a big smile on seeing them. The house would be filled with laughter and screams from them. Sometimes I worried that they would make us all deaf! It was always an adventure to go in the backyard to the creek and cross the bridge. 

I remember our last visit with you a week ago, although at the time we didn't know it was going to be the last time we saw you. You carefully made your way down the front stairs and I embraced you with the biggest hug I have ever received from you. I will never forget it. I didn't want to let you go. I will be forever grateful for that day. 

You will always hold a special place in my heart. 

I am so lucky to have known you and to have been your granddaughter. 

I will love you always Grandma.

I'm Still Here!

 I didn't know it at the time, but I was about to begin a journey that would change my life.

During a pandemic (which we are still currently in) I invested in a running stroller and reunited with running. 

I had found myself in a spot in life where I was no longer happy. I had no energy. I had spent a long time battling PPD. I needed to find myself again after having four kids. I continually put myself on the backburner all the time. There was always something else that needed to be done, or something that someone needed. I am also a Mom of special needs children, so I found that, that took up a lot of my energy. Most days I had nothing left for myself. I was constantly drained and wanted to do nothing else, but plant my butt on the couch all day long. 

I had no desire for life.

But now, well now I am still tired but I can live with the reasons why. 

Yes having four kids is exhausting and yes I still am drained by the end of the day, but now its different. I feel more accomplished at the end of the day. I take time for myself. I have energy during the day now. I do more with my kids. I feel better about myself.

I found my happy.

There have been many small goals along the way for me. 

My first was to get down 20lbs. I did.

I wanted to run a 5km. I did. Multiple times. I've lost count!

In three months I was able to lose 30lbs.

I had another goal of being able to run 10km, something I had never done before. I have also accomplished that goal, many times over yet again.

A huge goal of mine was to run a half marathon. I shocked myself with attaining that goal. And I am dang proud to say I did that all on my own! 

Over the course of the past year I have been able to lose a total of 83lbs! Am I where I want to be, no. Am I happy to where I have gotten, yes! 

I truly never imagined that I would ever succeed this much. It truly is a process. One that you have to be patient with. It takes time. It takes a lot of hard work, consistency and dedication. I wish there was an answer I could give on why I succeeded with running, and the only thing that I can think of is that I honestly wanted it bad enough.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

No one is going to be there to do the work for you. You have to do it for yourself. You have to want it. 

When I first started running I started out with a pace of 10:49/km and I could barely get past 2km, today I can do a 5:26/km and my longest distance to date is a proud 21.1km! And I finally accomplished an under 5:00/km and smashed it with a 4:39km. 

I competed against myself. I had to dig deep some days to get out there and run. The hardest days were the cold winter days. I am extremely lucky that at that point in my journey it was then my mother decided to pick up running again. I am so thankful that I had a running partner to get me through those frigid cold nights with. And trust me you could probably here us hooting away sometimes because the wind and air were so bitterly cold. We pushed our limits together. Pushing each other farther and faster. And we had plenty of laughs along the way. Our ultimate goal is to run a half marathon together in person. I can't wait for the day when we can run together again, for now we will do it in different provinces. 

It's been a year. 

You never know what you are capable of until you try. 

You are only limited by the limits you set on yourself. 

Show up. 

This isn't the end of my journey. Running has become an addiction for me. I get bothered if it has been two days and I haven't been out for a run. I want to keep going to keep improving and finally be able to run races in person. 

Running changed my life. 

#IMSTILLHERE

To my Mom

 Mom,

I want Febuary to stay. March is coming all too quickly and before we know it you will be moving out East. 

I'm not ready.

I have always found solace in the fact that you were a mere two minute drive away. I remember calling you in the middle of the night when I went into labour with Brynleigh. The time I called you and told you my water broke with Nora after having a bath, and the final time when I called you and I was in labour with Miles. You were here in minutes, either by car or bike. 

You have always been here in minutes in my times of need, and it will be hard to accept the fact that you will no longer be within minutes of each other.

Through everything in life you have been my rock. 

My recent journey in life was to be a better version of myself. A healthier version of myself. I absolutely love that I sparked the joy of running in you again. And I have enjoyed every single one of our frigid evening and day runs together. You have cheered me on since day one. You are an enabler of running shoe buying and headbands. And we share a common joy for Lululemon! 

I will truly miss you on runs. With us hooting away as our bodies are shocked at the extreme cold temperatures until our bodies have adjusted, or we have lost all feeling in our extremeties! I love that you get a chuckle out of my reaction when we are passed by other runners, and I have to check our pace just to make sure we aren't running like snails. 

Just know this though, that even though you are moving away I will not stop. I will continue running and continue to get stronger and hopefully maybe one day the one passing other runners. 

I look forward to our first run together again when you return for a visit. 

Love, 

Charity

P.S In case you didn't know it, you are adored by your grandchildern and know that they will be calling you via messenger frequently.