The struggle is real some days.
Some days I just want to crawl back under the covers and pretend the day never started. Those days I realize that he is different. He doesn't cope like other kids do. He doesn't process like other kids do. He is not able to achieve like other kids do. But in his own ways he does.
The struggle was real last night. We were going over the beloved word spelling list that we get each week. Eight words along with a bonus word make up the quiz. We take the whole week to prepare for the quiz on Friday. I have to tackle this task with someone who isn't a fan of writing at all. And having to be careful to not pass his tipping point and being able to recognize when we are at that point can be tricky sometimes. Last night didn't go so well. It usually gets more difficult as the week progresses, because he is simply too overwhelmed and tired from school everyday. The expectations that are put on him right now are no different then any other child in his class. (A battle we are still working on with the school) He is held at the same standards as all his other peers, even though he operates on a different processing system.
We came to the bonus word "cousin." Simple enough you would think right?
Wrong.
I try many different ways and use many different examples on trying to get him to recognize the different letters in the word and some that he may not think are even there. He adds extra letters takes them away, tries to guess and just stick letters anywhere and with each try the frustration and anger grow. And then the words slip out of his mouth, he wants to quit school.
This child entered school with eagerness to learn. He loved going to school so much that in the beginning we had a difficult time transitioning from going to school to going home. He thought when he left school everyday that he wasn't coming back. That took about a week for him to realize that he goes home everyday and comes back every morning.
But this child, my son now in grade one is being pushed to his limits everyday. Is being expected to achieve at the same rate as his peers has had too much. I feel like the school system is failing him. I always ask myself, why after three years am I still pushing for the same things that I started when we first got his diagnosis? Why can't they clearly see that he is not at the same level as other children? We are almost halfway through May and the school year is ending. Next year he will be in grade two and the expectations will be greater and they will come faster. His struggles he has this year will only be amplified more next year. I am only asking for help for my son so that he can achieve his full potential, but yet we are denied.
The school system only knows what happens at school. They are not there when the child comes home. They are not there when they are not able to cope with anything anymore because they are just too overwhelmed from the day. They are not there when tears are running down the child's face because a task that the school see as so simple isn't for them. They are not there when the child is hitting themselves in the head because they are frustrated and angry.
They are not there.
My child wants to quit school.
Clearly something somewhere is failing, and it's not my son.
