Ottawa Half Marathon!

 What an experience, phew!

If we roll it back a little this all started in January. Its where my training and the road to running a half marathon began.

In the cold days of Janaury I began my journey to a half marathon. I took this training on solo. I was lucky to be able to get in a few runs with my mom when she came to visit , but the vast majority was done alone. I trained here in Ontario and my mom trained in New Brunswick. We would message each other when we had our long runs on Sunday's. Telling each other we could to do this and to keep going. The final last long run was a doozy and was very difficult to finish alone, but we both came out the other side feeling really good and ready to run the race. 

The anticipation was building all week, as neither of us could believe that race weekend was finally upon us. 

We packed up the car and away we went. We decided on the way out there we would travel the Bancroft way. So many memories were there. We stopped at a few places, Furnace Falls, Kinmount and even Bancroft itself. The windy twisty roads did a number on my stomach and I spent most the trip to Ottawa with car sickness. Good times!

We arrived in Ottawa in good time and were able to check in early. We made our way to go pick up our race kits and take in some the views. Dinner was had at the Byward Market and we finished the day off by taking in the 10k race watching the Canadian championships run in with Ben Flanagan defending his tital. 

Sunday, race day.

The day is here. I woke up and felt the jitters immediately. We both went through what we should wear and Mom probably changed a few times as she decided to bring about half her wardrobe to Ottawa! lol!

We started to make our way down at 8:00am, our race was due to start at 9:00am. I'm glad we left when we did. There was so many people there. 

The crowd was massive. Thousands upon thousands of people were there. You could literally feel the race day energy. We picked our spot to stand, and then changed it because we couldn't make up our minds. It took us about 15 minutes to actually reach the official start line, yes there was that many people running. 

Our countdown was on and the horn blew and we were off. 

Taking that first step was amazing. To be a part of this experience was unreal. 

There were so many people cheering. The atomsphere was truly alive. It felt like the people of Ottawa lived for this. Cheering on complete strangers. 

We passed many great signs, a lot made us smile and laugh. I'm not sure how they came up with some of them, but it kept us going. A few of my favourites were:

"This is a lot of work for a free banana"

"If trump can run so can you"

"Keep running naked runners ahead"

"You've been training longer then Kim Kardashians first marriage lasted"

"You run this race better then Jim runs this city"

"Remember back when you thought you couldn't do this and now you are"

That last sign really hit me hard. Because I remember feeling exactly that. I never thought I would accomplsih something like this. I never thought I would be capable of this. 

We also passed people playing live music, and dancers. 

These people, complete strangers cheering us on kept me going. The cheering felt like they gave us energy and when we gave some back they gave us even more. I can't thank them enough for being there that day. They made the race complete that day. Without them it wouldn't be the Ottawa race. 

Thank you to every last one of you.

The day was very sunny and extremely hot. I felt at times that I was melting to the pavement. I have to say the least enjoyable part of the run is when we crossed over to Quebec, but we made it through. A few people along the way unfortuantely were feeling the heat of the morning and needed medical attention, but I'm glad to say that there were no major medical emergencies that day. 

We crossed back over to Ottawa and were running along the canal. It was very much mind over matter at that point because right across the canal from us was the finish line and you could hear everyone cheering and seeing people cross the finish line, but we still had 3km to run at that point. I struggled a lot those last few kms. I could feel my calves wanting to seize up. I had to keep taking walk breaks to prevent that from happening and I remember constantly apologizing to mom because I knew she wanted to pick up the pace, but I just couldn't do it. 

We finally crossed the canal and were on the final stretch. 

We came around the bend and there it was.

The finish line.

It looked glorious. 

I couldn't believe that we had actually made it. 

As we crossed it together I cried. I had done this for me. I had pushed myself to my limits and probably a bit past. I had done it. I accomplished what I set out to do. To simply run and finish a half marathon. And there is no one else I would done it with other then my Mom. 

Although we didn't finish the race in 2:30 or under, there isn't anything that can take this accomplishment away from me. 

It was a great day filled with great people. I am so grateful to have been a part of it. 

Grandma

 Marjorie Belle Thomas, or better known to me as Grandma. 

I miss you.

We were welcomed into your life when my Mom made the big decision to adopt us. I'm not sure who got the better end of the deal, us or you. 

You had a profound impact on my life. I already miss the phone calls with you. Always making sure to end the call with "I love you."

When I became pregnant with Logan I knew I had to tell you in person. I drove out to see you that day specifically to tell you just that. I respected you and your beliefs and knew it was the right thing to do. You held my hand and told me "everything is going to be just fine." Your words of comfort still stay with me to this day. Your opinion always mattered to me.

When my wedding day arrived I knew that you had to be there. You and Grandpa, after all he was the one that walked me down the aisle that day. It was important for me to have you there. It wouldn't have felt complete without you.

When my second daughter was born I knew right away that we would carry on your name in a way. She would take your middle name Belle. I absoultely loved how you said her name every single time. I can still hear it now. "Oh is that Nora Belle?" You would say, always making sure to say her full name. I could hear how proud you were every single time. I will make sure while she grows up she knows and learns the honour that her middle name holds and the amazing woman that you were. 

I miss sitting around the dinner table with you, always offering seconds or thirds to everyone. No matter when we visited you always made sure that we had something to eat. You were always so willing to just scrounge up something for lunch. You were always so caring. 

I always enjoyed when I would bring the kids to visit. You always had such a big smile on seeing them. The house would be filled with laughter and screams from them. Sometimes I worried that they would make us all deaf! It was always an adventure to go in the backyard to the creek and cross the bridge. 

I remember our last visit with you a week ago, although at the time we didn't know it was going to be the last time we saw you. You carefully made your way down the front stairs and I embraced you with the biggest hug I have ever received from you. I will never forget it. I didn't want to let you go. I will be forever grateful for that day. 

You will always hold a special place in my heart. 

I am so lucky to have known you and to have been your granddaughter. 

I will love you always Grandma.

I'm Still Here!

 I didn't know it at the time, but I was about to begin a journey that would change my life.

During a pandemic (which we are still currently in) I invested in a running stroller and reunited with running. 

I had found myself in a spot in life where I was no longer happy. I had no energy. I had spent a long time battling PPD. I needed to find myself again after having four kids. I continually put myself on the backburner all the time. There was always something else that needed to be done, or something that someone needed. I am also a Mom of special needs children, so I found that, that took up a lot of my energy. Most days I had nothing left for myself. I was constantly drained and wanted to do nothing else, but plant my butt on the couch all day long. 

I had no desire for life.

But now, well now I am still tired but I can live with the reasons why. 

Yes having four kids is exhausting and yes I still am drained by the end of the day, but now its different. I feel more accomplished at the end of the day. I take time for myself. I have energy during the day now. I do more with my kids. I feel better about myself.

I found my happy.

There have been many small goals along the way for me. 

My first was to get down 20lbs. I did.

I wanted to run a 5km. I did. Multiple times. I've lost count!

In three months I was able to lose 30lbs.

I had another goal of being able to run 10km, something I had never done before. I have also accomplished that goal, many times over yet again.

A huge goal of mine was to run a half marathon. I shocked myself with attaining that goal. And I am dang proud to say I did that all on my own! 

Over the course of the past year I have been able to lose a total of 83lbs! Am I where I want to be, no. Am I happy to where I have gotten, yes! 

I truly never imagined that I would ever succeed this much. It truly is a process. One that you have to be patient with. It takes time. It takes a lot of hard work, consistency and dedication. I wish there was an answer I could give on why I succeeded with running, and the only thing that I can think of is that I honestly wanted it bad enough.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

No one is going to be there to do the work for you. You have to do it for yourself. You have to want it. 

When I first started running I started out with a pace of 10:49/km and I could barely get past 2km, today I can do a 5:26/km and my longest distance to date is a proud 21.1km! And I finally accomplished an under 5:00/km and smashed it with a 4:39km. 

I competed against myself. I had to dig deep some days to get out there and run. The hardest days were the cold winter days. I am extremely lucky that at that point in my journey it was then my mother decided to pick up running again. I am so thankful that I had a running partner to get me through those frigid cold nights with. And trust me you could probably here us hooting away sometimes because the wind and air were so bitterly cold. We pushed our limits together. Pushing each other farther and faster. And we had plenty of laughs along the way. Our ultimate goal is to run a half marathon together in person. I can't wait for the day when we can run together again, for now we will do it in different provinces. 

It's been a year. 

You never know what you are capable of until you try. 

You are only limited by the limits you set on yourself. 

Show up. 

This isn't the end of my journey. Running has become an addiction for me. I get bothered if it has been two days and I haven't been out for a run. I want to keep going to keep improving and finally be able to run races in person. 

Running changed my life. 

#IMSTILLHERE

To my Mom

 Mom,

I want Febuary to stay. March is coming all too quickly and before we know it you will be moving out East. 

I'm not ready.

I have always found solace in the fact that you were a mere two minute drive away. I remember calling you in the middle of the night when I went into labour with Brynleigh. The time I called you and told you my water broke with Nora after having a bath, and the final time when I called you and I was in labour with Miles. You were here in minutes, either by car or bike. 

You have always been here in minutes in my times of need, and it will be hard to accept the fact that you will no longer be within minutes of each other.

Through everything in life you have been my rock. 

My recent journey in life was to be a better version of myself. A healthier version of myself. I absolutely love that I sparked the joy of running in you again. And I have enjoyed every single one of our frigid evening and day runs together. You have cheered me on since day one. You are an enabler of running shoe buying and headbands. And we share a common joy for Lululemon! 

I will truly miss you on runs. With us hooting away as our bodies are shocked at the extreme cold temperatures until our bodies have adjusted, or we have lost all feeling in our extremeties! I love that you get a chuckle out of my reaction when we are passed by other runners, and I have to check our pace just to make sure we aren't running like snails. 

Just know this though, that even though you are moving away I will not stop. I will continue running and continue to get stronger and hopefully maybe one day the one passing other runners. 

I look forward to our first run together again when you return for a visit. 

Love, 

Charity

P.S In case you didn't know it, you are adored by your grandchildern and know that they will be calling you via messenger frequently. 

One Day, or Day One?

 In the middle of a pandemic I decided it was time to change my life. To be a better version of me. 

I chose day one.

In the early morning hours I started my journey. I strapped my then one year old son into the running stroller and we took off. Well not like a fighter jet or a dog chasing after a squirrel. 

But I started.

One foot in front of the other.

It was painful.

My lungs were burning. 

That morning I barely made it to 2kms.

I really had no idea how far I would get. What I was capable of. 

The next morning I woke up again and repeated the process. Each day I was able to get a little farther. And  pretty soon I was getting to 5kms. Not running the whole time, but I got to the distance I wanted to. Before I knew it I was walking less and running more. I was completing 5kms faster. My pace was coming down, and also my weight.

I had my route down. I ran the same one every morning. I can only imagine what people were thinking as I ran past them. And one morning I found out exactly what one person was thinking. As I trudged up the hill with my son in tow, which to put into perspective he weighed about 25lbs at the time and the stroller itself was about 20lbs. Im in my own world while running, unless I cross paths with another runner I usually look up give a little smile and carry on. I was coming up to a lady running and I do my usual look up and little smile and she looks at me and says "good job Mama, keep going." A complete stranger was encouraging me to keep going. 

Just keep going. 

And I did.

Each day I showed up. I put in the hard work. I challenged myself. I knew that regret would follow very harshly if I threw in the towel. I needed to do this. For myself. For my kids. A couple of years ago we went to Canada's Wonderland. I spent the whole day not wanting to go on the rides with my kids because I wasn't sure if I exceeded the weight limits and I didn't want to find out. I missed out on a whole day of fun because of the life choices I was making. Next time we go I want to be able to ride every single ride with them. I want to be part of the fun and not just on the sidelines watching. 

Show up.

It's simple, but difficult at the same time. You have to hold yourself accountable. You have to want it bad enough. I'm  telling you hard work does pay off. The change doesn't happen all at once, it's a process and yes it does take time, and you have to trust that process.

2020 has been a year of the books. So much has happened and is still happening. But this past year has shown be how much I have grown. What I'm capable of. What happens when you are consistent. What hard work does. 

2020 has shown me how strong I am. 

This isn't where I stop. I'm not done. 

Keep going.

Show up.

Trust the process. 

I'm cheering you all on. 

Great job, keep going!

Goodbye 2020.

Goodbye 57lbs!!

Hello 2021!

The end of the school year.....I think?

It's the last final days of the school year, but it doesn't feel or look the same. The kids are not putting together teacher gifts, they aren't able to say their goodbyes to their friends for the summer. There isn't any end of the year class parties. There is no "school's out for summer" blasting over the P.A system. There isn't joy like there normally is.

Instead we have Google meet farewells. We have electronic memory books of the year being made. We have chat groups to say goodbye to friends for the summer. The last day of school is not going to be special. It's going to feel like any other day that the kids have had in the past three and half months.

COVID-19 has changed everything about our lives. It has changed everything about a normal childhood. It has made parenting almost impossible some days. And to be honest I'm not sure how we all survived since March. This wasn't anything I ever had in mind when I became a parent. My patience has been tested almost on a daily basis. I have had to try teaching my kids math and language with younger siblings in the background screaming and crying. I have seen my son withdraw from almost everything in life because his social life has been stripped away from him. I have seen my daughter struggle each day to understand her work. I have cried, my kids have cried. I've lost track of the days on more then one account.

But we are all still here.

We are all healthy.

My kids have not seen the inside of a store since March. They have been kept away from friends and being able to go play on playgrounds. They have only been able to play with their siblings, and let's be honest that doesn't always go well. There have been plenty of fights.

My kids need to be in a school setting. They need that in person lesson from a teacher. They need their supports and daily routines that they get from school. They need to interact with kids their age.

We have made it to the end of the school year, but at what cost?

I know it was in their best interest health wise to be at home, but what about their mental health? What about developmentally wise? How much extra help are they going to need when they return to school and is there going to be enough supports in the schools to help with all these needs from kids when they return?

These past few months have been like no other, and I hope that when the kids look back on this time that they realize how strong and resilient they were to adapt to a whole new world.

Stay healthy!

Reflection

In just a couple of short weeks Miles will be turning one. And I sit here reflecting on the past year and how as a person I have struggled and grown.

This past year after Miles was born I feel like I lost myself. I wasn't myself. I didn't feel joy. I felt like I was just going through the motions of the day. I lost friends that I thought were close good friends. I felt more alone then I ever have in my life.

I struggled on a daily basis. I wasn't sure how I was going to get through many days, but somehow I did. I had many sleepless nights. Some with barely getting three hours of sleep. I reached a whole new level of sleep deprevation.

I cried.

A lot.

This past winter was a very dark time for me. I wasn't present for Christmas. I felt like I was in a fog. I feel like I was robbed of many moments with Miles as a newborn. There are some days I can't remember at all.

But things have changed. I came out of the fog. I started crying less. I started remembering moments more. I started being present more. I started laughing more.

I felt joy.

I started making time for me.

Self care. I have learned its such an important thing. And I have learned that making time for something for just me is important to make myself a better Mom and a better person. So I started running again.

I have the visable scars from giving birth, but I also have the invisable scars that no one can see from this past year and all that I went through.

These days I soak up every moment with Miles as I know that these are all firsts for him and lasts for me. I don't want to miss another moment because I get caught in the fog again. I have learned and I have grown this past year and I will not let myself be dragged back into the darkness.

This song "Rise Up" by Andra Day has really spoke to me this past year. It took on a different meaning for me. I will rise up each day to be there for my kids. I will rise up and be present.

PPD took a lot from me this past year, but I won't let it take anything else away from me.